I had a friend that for a long time, I thought had a lot of the answers on relationships. They always said that in order to have a successful relationship, one thing at the top of the list is to learn to fight well.
Now that I am in a loving marriage, I have found that my friend had it only partly correct on the fighting thing. What I've come to realize is that you do have to learn how to fight well...but the meaning behind that statement is completely different than when it was presented to me. We must learn to fight in a new way when it comes to our life partners. We must learn not to fight to be heard, or to win our point...NO...NOT AT ALL...we must change how we fight to make it for and about the relationship. Now, when we are trying to get something across to the other, we do so in a way that benefits our union, not ourselves. We are not trying to win anything-that I promise will only result in losing your relationship. When you argue, think about it in terms of the union, and not yourself. Watch what happens then. This brings on less fighting all together, because no one is trying to win anything! That stubborn crap, it doesn't have good results!
Be willing to hear the other person, be willing to say I'm sorry, admit you were wrong. Do so in the name of "US" and not ME. On the flip side, when your partner gives you the credit, don't gloat. It doesn't help your cause.
So, yes, learn to fight well..but change the dynamic.
Fight for your union and get out of your stubborn bubble. And please for Heavens sake...stop being passive aggressive! WOW! So many of us do this-more so than I ever truly realized! When you are upset, say it-but say it kindly. Don't act one way but mean another. Don't expect anyone to pick up on your hints. Just be honest, be kind and own it. If you are being passive aggressive, you are not right-you are being a jerk.
Learn to communicate with honesty and integrity. Passive-aggressive does not live in that neighborhood.
