When we are no longer on the same path as our friends

So much has changed over the course of a year for me. So many things that have come into my life that are massive blessings. So many things lost this year also. But, there is one thing that I have seen this year that has been difficult and that is the way that my relationships have changed. In my years of anxiety, and also on a dating sabaticle, I held on to my male friends for dear life. They came to view me as the "poor Emily, who needs me" girl, and I liked it that way.

When I fell in love with my now fiance, those people went away. Some before I was ready for them to, and some because I needed them to. I gave away too much power in my weaker days, and let a lot of people have a say so in my decision making skills. Once I got out of my anxiety nightmare, I began to really see things from a much cleaner perspective and stopped giving so much power away.

And then later falling deeply in love, it compounded it even more. Those friends of mine just didn't hold the space that they used to as the men in my life, and that has been difficult for both sides. *Note: this does not mean I turned my power over to the new man in my life, because I did not and don't need to. I grew into myself before he came along. Having this deep love with someone who I respect and admire does of course change things. It would have to. He does bring strength and faith to my life in ways that I didn't have in the capacity that I did before on my own. I am not discounting this. My decisions are made with him, as his are made with me. This is very different however then handing it over. It doesn't work that way anymore for me with anybody.

What I have found is that in my delights (getting a book picked up by a national publishing house, and getting engaged and moving into our new home) has left some people without even the ability to simply say "Congratulations!" I'm telling you jealousy is ugly on anybody...even in my cats. It's just ugly. It hurts my feelings to know that friends that have watched me for years work so hard, and never give up on my dreams now can't even just acknowledge that I have actually achieved something that they may or may not have ever seen as possible. It also makes me proud to know that I do not live to anybody's expectations but my own, and that I have actually hit goals (my books) that I had unwavering faith in.

My point to this personal story is this: sometimes it really is just time to let them go. It hurts when our relationships change, but they do always change because we always change. We are always growing, and evolving and sometimes it just makes us not mesh anymore with people that we used to mesh with ease before. It's not to be looked at as a terrible thing, just a truth. Sometimes our paths take off in separate directions. Sometimes one or both people may need that down time to tend to their own gardens. It may not be as personal as you'd like to think that it is. Either way, it's hard to watch friends come and go from our lives.

It is equally as difficult to conform to a certain way of being to keep them also. And this isn't just limited to my male friends. I've changed relationship patterns with a lot of people over the past few years because I truly stick up for myself and try to avoid the passive-aggressive games that we tend to play when we are in less than a good space. I hold people accountable for behaviors and words, myself included. I am not the push over girl that I used to be because of my fears of confrontation that so often accompanies anxiety. It is both liberating, and equally difficult to change those patterns within yourself. It can result in losing friendships. It cannot necessarily be helped.

So, as I grow and continue on my own path, and pursue my own dreams I welcome those that step in along the way, and miss those that no longer fit. But one thing is clear: I will honor myself, my partner, my dreams first. The rest will take care of itself. You, or I are not bad people for finally putting ourselves first and honoring who we are. Stick up for yourself, you earned it! If the others don't like it, bless them and be on your way. Keep growing, keep going on your own path. You'll line up again if you're meant to.

Not sure if this helps any of you, but I feel better :-) So, Thank You.

Emily