It is not hard to practice kindness. What is difficult is being consistent in it. Kindness is not the same as being nice. Nice isn't necessarily real. It is in the moment. I was being nice. Did you mean it? Kindness on the other hand, that is from an authentic space. It comes from a level of being that has staying power. Kindness is real. It is far stronger in presence than niceness.
The thing that I have observed though so many times is that we meet these wonderful people in person. They try their best to be good people. They wake up on Sunday mornings and go to church. They smile and hug everyone they see. Everyone loves them! And then they get into their car and become a jerk. Someone got in their way, someone cut them off, someone blocks their light. They become these arrogant, vile people honking and yelling. Leaving all niceties away at the church, or the yoga studio, or anyplace else that is not there. It amazes me that more and more often it seems, people when they are incognito become who it is they truly are. When they, or we, do not have to face up to our behavior become something very different not resembling that person you just walked away from. I spoke with a person over the phone the other day who confirmed my lurking suspicions of just how nasty people can be when they wont get caught for it. She said that people on the phone forget that she's a person. For some reason it has become ok in our society to pick and choose who we are kind to, and when.
It appalls me when I see the mothers (and there are so many of these, don't turn away and pretend you haven't seen them or been them at one time or another) in their minivans with their kids in the back-as they are honking and yelling at you for blocking the lane, or the light or for not going fast enough. "We have to get to soccer and you don't matter! Get out of my way!" And yet, they preach to their children to be nice. Say nice things. Be nice to him/her! Have we yet to realize that the way we teach our children is by the way we act, and not so much as by what we say? Get a hold of yourself mommies and realize that the world is not going to set itself on fire if you are late! Show your children who you are, and make it something worth actually showing! Treat the world with kindness, and kindness is what you will see! You want your children to be sensitive, loving, kind people? You have to show them the way. This means all the time. And we all know that no one is perfect. But, there are such easy ways of being your own example. Don't yell and scream at or about other people in the presence of your children-or preferably not at all whether kids are around or not! It's a novel concept, I know. But hey...give it a shot and see how you feel. You can't feel angry or sad for being kind!
Whether you are in your car, over the phone or in person understand that it all still matters. Santa is always watching you, don't you know??? How you behave does increase or decrease one's character whether anyone else sees it or not.
So...my challenge for us all today is to practice KINDNESS. Let it be from an authentic space and BE IT. Or, if you really just don't want to practice kindness and don't know from where to even find that space within yourself...own up to it and admit out loud and show it in your actions that you really are just not that nice a person! Whoever you really are though...be it. All day long. Don't pick and choose when you'll be nice, or kind, or an ass. Don't get into your car where no one knows you and treat people on the road like they are the enemy. Don't make phone calls and act short and rude, like your time is so much better than theirs. Understand that we truly are all connected, and related. What we do and how we behave MATTERS. It matters because it is what we have officially put out into the universe as being who we are.
Now, should you be kind to people and not get that same behavior in return, understand that it is not about you. So, do not take that personally. This is a challenge for YOU to behave with kindness. Don't make it about them. They may not be taking this same challenge. They may not have gotten up and read this blog this morning and turned into an A-hole on the road because they didn't have anyone to remind them that it is foul and unacceptable behavior-not to mention totally unnecessary! But you are reminded and that's all that matters. You put out the good stuff. It will come back to you, I promise.
Kindness carries, and boomerangs back to you more of the same. And the same goes for the stinkers out there. Don't be one of those.
Who are you, and who are you trying to be? That is the question.
Emily, I totally agree. I find it rather funny that people put on a hppy face in places that they know they should, but as they are enclosed in a small car, they think they are alone and act like their true selves. The windows are see-through and so are they. Tahnk you for a great post. I hope every one reads and heeds! God Bless you, sister! I love ya!
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